A Christmas Story
by cosmopolitan
Summary: Holiday Exchange Submission As midnight approaches, Sirius entertains with a trippy tail about the beginnings of romance between his best mate and Lily.


_**Disclaimer**__: __The characters and canon situations in the following story belong solely to JK Rowling. I am not making any money from the publishing or writing of this story._

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**A Christmas Story**

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_**Summary**__: _[Holiday Exchange Submission] _As midnight approaches, Sirius entertains with a trippy tail about the beginnings of romance between his best mate and Lily._

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"'Ello there, little one, in honor of this wondrous and holy evening I thought you could do with a little bedtime story," Sirius inconspicuously whispered. "I was hoping to recount the miraculous courtship of your mother and father on this great eve as this, believe it or not, is just around the anniversary of its commencement!"

"You see, it all began with a snowball fight or, rather, we were pelting this fright in our year, his name was Snape, with snowballs. It was all towards bringing forth the destruction of the evil snot nosed bastard and save the world from future torture, such as physical ailments at the mere sight of him. It was all very chivalrous and philanthropic of us, you must understand. Anyway, as we went on we threw a wide array of rather genius insults such as 'Snivillus', as his nose was so large that it constantly seemed as if something was running down it—not an attractive sight in the least. We also called him the 'lugie monster'… given what I just told you, I'm assuming you can figure why… but, _lord_, we were a funny lot…" he drawled with a fanciful smile plastered onto his face.

He paused as a ponderous look struck his face, taking a moment to recollect himself before continuing with the story. "Naturally, however, your mom filed to see the genius in all of this and unceremoniously popped in with a frightful bat-bogey hex aimed at James, Peter, and myself—though, somehow, Remus always got a way remarkably unharmed. Now, this was regardless of the fact that he _never_ even tried to stop us… your mother was a stupid little chit I'm sad to reveal."

"But there she came in on her white horse to save the nasty berk, ignoring James's looks of adulation that signified his never ending love for her," Sirius shook his head with a sigh. "Anyway, the scene went something like this…"

"_James fucking Potter, I will beat you with a stick if I find that you harmed him in anyway, you blasted prat!"_

"_Oh come on, Lily," James tried to cajole as he lay on the ground, still recovering from the nasty hex your mother had sent his way. "It was just a bit of fun, surely you know of hazing in the muggle world… we were only trying to understand your culture, is all."_

_Now, that one, even I saw as a total fail. The poor bloke was so smitten he'd actually done a bit of research and even taken a few courses in muggle studies, but any good intent was lost the second he uttered those words. She slapped him so hard that he had a bruise on his cheek for the next week._

"_Don't you ever, _ever_ mock me like that again," she spat before helping up the snotty bastard we'd been "hazing" and stomping away, ignoring all of James's calls._

"Your father, however, was determined, and about as senseless as an ogre. The days leading up to our winter break he flooded your mother with all sorts of gifts from expensive jewelry, to books, ginger bread cookies he'd made himself—ones that, thankfully, Lily didn't try as they left Peter a bit queasy… it was all a colossal failure, though. In return all he got were names such as 'pig-headed pillock' and 'snot-nosed prick', the latter being one that he took particular offense to as the culmination of the insinuation of a relation to Snape and a tiny wee-wee was not a particularly attractive image. Your father even considered bringing in a bevy of exes to testify to his size and sexual prowess until your Uncle Remus, the rational bloke that he is, convinced him not to."

"It was a caustic and scary epoch at Hogwarts; every one was left on pins and needles, salivating over the possibility of the next explosion between the two. There was not a person in the castle who wasn't intrigued by the most unconventional wooing taking place before their very eyes. The best part, however, was the climax of this most inspiring tale."

"Porky, this one tubby little house-elf, had gotten a bit too drunk off of the eggnog and somehow wandered out of the kitchens and smuggled a naughty Mrs. Claus outfit from one of the slutty sixth year Hufflepuff girl's room… Merlin, they were such naughty little minxes. I mean they would do _anything_, if you know what I mean. Why I don't think that there was ever a willing bloke they turned down, that year of Hufflepuff was just so randy. It was bloody brilliant," Sirius recounted with a smug little smile and a gleam in his eyes.

"_Anyway_, the odd little thing meandered a bit until he found himself at the Gryffindor common room—that, by the way, will be where you will reside during your years at Hogwarts or I will never recognize you as my godchild… _kidding_, well not really…" Sirius went off on a tangent, getting lost in thought for a second as he considered the possibilities. "I suppose, so long as you're not in Hufflepuff everything will be okay, I just fail to see what's so great about them. They're all two-faced prats, nice my arse."

"As I was saying, though, Porky stumbled into the common room singing some terribly off beat and illogical song that left everyone utterly baffled. Naturally, Lily ran to his aid like the brownnoser that she is…"

"_Porky!" your mother gasped, aghast. "What happened to you?! Did Potter think it'd be funny for you to get drunk? Ugh, that boy has no sense, _honestly_," she ranted, totally off base, until the house elf clasped his hands over her mouth._

"_No, no, no," he slurred in a forced accent, it was a cross between French and Russian, very odd and very fake. "I jus' like me egg-drink, zas all… egg is good," he informed her before moving around her and towards the makeshift bar we had set up between the two sets of stairs._

"_Porky, I don't think that's a good idea," Lily tried to reason by snatching a bottle of whiskey from him._

"_Quiet!" the midget ordered her. "Porky know, Porky understand, Porky have needs," he continued, nonsensically._

"_Porky also pissed," a voice interrupted the conversation and the pair turned to see who it was—Lily gasping at the sight as Porky clapped in delight._

"_Ooo, itz Potter, shall we bread?"_

"_Bread?" James cocked a brow, unable to stop an amused smile from growing across his face._

_The elf nodded. "Yes, we take our glasses and go clink!"_

_James shook his head, feigning regret. "Afraid not, mate. It's off to bed with you," he announced before throwing the guy over his shoulder._

_What he was not expecting, however, was for the nasty bugger to start screeching and kicking, nearly throwing him off balance and into the drinks—a possibility that left the entire common room gasping in fear for the alcohol. _

"_Urgh," James groaned and Lily actually sent him a sympathetic look—something that left him a bit bewildered, but definitely gleeful. "Alright, mate, what will it take for you to stop hurting me and let me put you to bed?!" he desperately tried to reason, refusing to lose after having received a most encouraging look from his lady love._

_Suddenly, all motion stopped as the elf hummed. He lay on James's shoulder thinking for a good minute or two before a sudden twinkle entered his eyes, so luminous that it lit the room. "Kiss!"_

"_Kiss? Kiss whom? You?!" James asked, ready to upchuck at the thought._

"_No… 'tis the Christmas season, you have to kiss your love, we all know who!" the elf clapped, the conniving twinkle in his eyes brightening with each clap._

_Lily gasped. "Surely there must be something else we can-"_

"_No, you want me in bed, you kiss! Those are rules," the elf cut her off._

_James sent her a helpless look and she shrugged before pulling his face down to hers, giving him the kiss of a lifetime. James, in reply, pulled her in as close as he could with the little legs lying between their chests. Still, he made due with what he could, milking the experience for all it was worth._

_Ten minutes later when they separated they were both gasping for air, the room was cheering, and Porky had fallen dead asleep on James's shoulder. The pair left to put Porky in bed and at four in the morning, as I was finally climbing into bed, I checked the Marauders' Map only to find that Lily's dot was on top of James's dot in the room of requirement. Out of respect, James still refuses to tell the exact happenings of that night, but I can imagine…"_

"And goodnight little one," Sirius rubbed Lily's belly, unbeknownst to her as she continued her nap on the sofa by the fireplace. With a smile at his future godchild Sirius hopped up and made his way to the kitchen where James was indulging in a nightcap.

Remus sighed, finally lifting his eyes from his hefty novel. With a shake of his head he got up off of his chair, dropping the book onto it, and walked towards Lily, kneeling before her.

"Truth is, mate, that story was total bullshit. Lily did hex him a few times, but their romance was much more tame… your father was a prat who grew up. That's all. Your father didn't really notice her much until our fourth year when he suddenly decided he was smitten. That was just a load of shite as, in reality, he was just intrigued by the one girl who would reject him. Lily was popular, and liked being popular, too, but she wasn't one to give up her morals for the sake of public opinion. At the end of our sixth year, though, something had changed when on the last day James went up to Lily."

"_Potter, not now, _please_! I need to make sure that everyone boards on time and, most importantly, that there's not another cricket infestation like last semester,' Lily brushed him off with a pointed look his way._

_James sent her a sheepish smile. "You know, Lils, everyone saw the small little smile on your face when you first found out about it. It _was_ funny. Plus, I _did_ help clean it all up before any actual damage was done, just let everyone go crazy for a bit."_

_Lily sighed as she directed a first year towards a cabin. "I suppose you were unnaturally mature there, but that doesn't change the fact that I really don't have time for anything expansive right now. Find me later, if you must."_

"_No," James shook his head. "I just… I just wanted to tell you one thing."_

_Lily paused for a second, cocking a brow as her forehead wrinkled. "Okay… I can spare a minute, I suppose. There _are_ other prefects, let them deal with the firsties for a bit," she offered a weak, shy smile._

"_I'm not going to bother you anymore, Lily. I… I kind of actually really like you now, and I hope you'll like me too one day, but I won't force it. I just… if things change, tell me. Will you?"_

_Lily's back straightened for a bit as she mover her head to the side, a perplexed look marring her face. Her expression was something akin to that of a fish with the way her cheeks were slightly drawn in as her mouth hung slightly agape. "I… I... sure…" she finished with a sigh._

_James firmly nodded before turning and walking off._

"_James!" her voice suddenly stopped him, mid-step._

_He didn't turn, but stopped, silently letting her know that he was listening._

"_I… I'd really like to get to know _this_ guy a bit more one day… maybe…" she awkwardly told him, biting her lip._

_James didn't turn, but I saw the huge grin that extended from one ear to the next as he stepped onto the train and prepared to go home for the summer._

"The following school year, your father was named Head Boy and your mother Head Girl. It wasn't tense so much as awkward, James wasn't sure where he stood with her while Lily wasn't sure how to tell him that things had changed. She'd always been a shy little bint, even about the most obvious matters, like your father," Remus smiled. "She got lucky, though, when I managed to convince James to break his promise. We got a few of the house elves to help him by making ginger bread cookies that spelled out an invitation to the annual Gryffindor Holiday Party. She said yes and, as far as your father was concerned, all was right with the world. Or… at least it will be until she's popping you out as I have a feeling she will curse the day he was born while you're… well, you know, you'll be the one doing it, after all. That, however, is a story for another day," Remus finished with a pat on Lily's thigh before he moved to tighten the blanket around Lily before dropping a light kiss to her forehead.

Finally, with a kiss to her forehead, he made his way to the kitchen to share in that nightcap James and Sirius were enjoying.

_Fin_.

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_**author's note**__: I don't know why, but I had a great deal of trouble getting this one together. It's not my usual style, but the challenge was a nice one… out of my comfort zone. I hope that whoever receives this will like it and that he/she had a WONDERFUL holiday season!!!_

_thought i already posted this, but probably didn't because i just wasn't too sure how i felt about it... PLEASE REVIEW!_


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